I am just a floating, smiling face that has thought a lot about happiness and enjoyment. If you feel like you need to email me, you may do so at:
If I had just a few wishes, one of them would be that conversations between people were purer.
There are two primary issues with most of the conversations I’ve ever heard and/or been a part of. One of these problems is that sometimes we’re more concerned with expressing our feelings than we are with anything else. I suppose it’s the part of the brain that needs to talk about very meaningful things with others. The problem therein is that often times our overbearing emotional responses become the all-important center of the universe, if even momentarily. Speaking through a veil of emotion removes a lot of the inherent effectiveness of a conversation, and promotes information disconnected from the people involved. The other primary issue I frequently experience is that sometimes we’re just not very good at truly representing ourselves. There are a lot of different reasons for this; some people just don’t have the articulation they need to communicate effectively, some people don’t have the social capacity to explain themselves, and some people just don’t listen. Granted, both of these primary problems have a fair amount of overlap, but ultimately they are different and need to be addressed in their own ways.
This is relevant to the idea of EYLM because crappy conversations lead very quickly to frustration. Sometimes right away, sometimes down the road, and sometimes both. Without a certain mastery of self, frustration can and will suck the enjoyment out of anything you’re doing. And since conversation is one of the primary human methods of interpersonal communication, let’s address it!
Think about it for a bit and determine for yourself how often you are happy with the conversations you have with others. If you’re a real pro, you’ll try to determine for yourself how often others are happy with the conversations they have with you. I realize there’s no way to know for sure without asking others directly, but reflecting (not obsessing) on it internally can’t really hurt you. And besides, any chance to learn more about others and have (practice) good conversation is something you should be taking in stride on principle. Once you have the data, do something about it! If you’re unhappy with your conversations, it’s your responsibility to figure out why. Don’t be afraid of the reasons! The quicker you swallow and accept your deficiencies the quicker you can improve upon them. Personally, I’ve got quite an articulation problem; there are always stacks and stacks of unfocused thoughts drifting about in the ol’ brain soup and the more I rev up the stupider I get. Before I know it I’m not making any sense and I’m frustrating myself and others. I am at peace with this painful fact about myself and after meditating on it for a long time and consciously thinking about solutions my life improved. I simply don’t believe that anyone else can’t do the same. The obstacle is whether or not you’re really interested in addressing it.
Rule #5 is about mastery over one of our most significant tools. As with any tool, we must learn to wield it no matter how hard it is to do so. The beautiful thing about a tool is that eventually you control it and can use it to express yourself in ways you weren’t previously able to. In the context of conversation, this means that once you’ve found that elusive treasured ground between emotional expression and functional articulation, you can more effectively use it to to get the things you want and need! And when you’re in touch with the things you want and need, what goes up? :)
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